A friend of mine is experiencing the following dilemma. I am a novice as far as motherhood is concern (both of us belong to the same motherhood category), so I decided to use my blog to help her cry out for help. She is urgently in need of advice and is getting desperate.
My friend is a mother of two little boys. One is seven months plus, while the elder one is 2 years plus. For privacy sake, I will call the first one Tom while I call the little one Jerry (I don’t mean to be mischievous, but that’s what I can think of for now). The little Jerry currently crawls on this kneels and hand, he holds settee and tables and chairs to stand up.
The challenge is with the elder boy, Tom, he grabs Jerry each time he sees him standing with the aid of the sofa, tables and chairs. Initially their mother thought it was because he has not seen his brother standing before and that he was fascinated by the act and does not want the brother to fall down. But that seems not to be the case because recently Tom does not allow Jerry to stand with the aid of anything; He will run to where Jerry is standing and drag him down, making the baby to fall to the ground.
The one that bothers their mother most is that Tom will not allow Jerry to hold any toy whatsoever, he will pull it from his hands, and make Jerry cry, that is bad enough, but you are yet to hear the worst. Of recent, Tom has formed the habit of jumping on Jerry from the sofa and chairs in the house irrespective of the posture Jerry may be in, whether he is standing, sitting, lying down or squatting!
In a day Jerry is made to fall several times because of the Tom. Their mother is at a loss of what to do since Tom cannot communicate well yet. Their mother can only engage him in baby talk, and that seems to be sufficient in communicating to him the danger he poses to his sibling. Someone with experience should kindly share from experience how this kind of issue can be handle.
I am currently searching forums for possible answers to this dilemma because my friend is really getting worried and no one around her seems to have had a similar experience.
6 comments:
Hey I thought maybe I could help with your problem. Try this:
Help
Use caution when using the chicken to measure it. Thanks
Nothing unusual about this sort of behaviour between siblings at that age.
I note that they are less than 2 years apart. A child specialist would be more capable to enlighten on this matter.
However, from my experience as a parent, even though this may seem incredulous that infants at the innocent age could manifest a form of jealousy, it is a reflection of one the elder infant not wanting all the affection and attention to be given to the younger one.
Therefore, the elder's remonstration of taking it on the younger one whom the former sees as a "threat" to the full love and care that was enjoyed before the arrival of the younger sibling.
I have seen that happen to my own children. It is a passing phase and does not develop into something that the elder child brings into his later life.
If what you relate continues to manifest without ceasure for more than a year or two, your friend should seek professional guidance.
Hi Wind mill,
Bless you; at least this is an assurance that, what my friend’s family is experiencing is something that has happened to someone before and not entirely peculiar to them.
Thanks again for taking time out to comment on this issue.
dodgegravity,
sorry, i do not understand your post, and i can not comprehend what chicken measurement has to do with it.
If you really want to help, can you be more explicit please.?
Hi i stumbled by your post, i just want to share my thoughts. I think the older one is threatened that he will lose the love and attention of his mother and father once the other baby can stand and do things on his own.
All the older one needs is love and more reassurance. I have a niece and nephew the same age with these two but my sister started telling the older one about the baby and reassured her that she is still number one, whenever she looks for attention, my sister makes sure she gets it, like hugging, kissing, saying i love you, open expressions of affection. Also she refrains from comparing them.
During special occasions like birthdays, it helps to buy gifts for both, so the other one will not feel left out.It is really difficult for a child to adjust to another kid specially at this age but doing this little things seem to help in way.
Goodluck to your friend and hopefully the little boy will outgrow this stage soon:)
Sounds like a case of sibling rivalry which can happen especially when the older child really is only a "baby" himself.
I was the oldest of five kids and did most of the parenting in my house. So for what it's worth here's my advice:
Whenever possible, have some one-on-one time alone with the 2 year old so he has his own "special" time with mom (while dad watches the younger child) and then switch so he has special time with dad.
When caring for the baby, talk with the two year old, try to find ways to play together, sing together. Find ways he can "help" mom care for the baby. If the younger one is in a playpen or swing and mom's hands are free - then she can play with the two year and include the baby in nonthreatening ways.
I know he's a boy - but having him have his own "baby" to care for can also help - don't have to use a doll, but can use a new stuffed animal toy that he gets to pick out and care for, so he can take care of it along side mom while she cares for the new baby. These will be wonderful lessons - Teaching him how to be a nurturing dad some day :)
Praise him often (but sincerely) for being a helpful big brother.
Don't make him feel responsbile for caring for the baby by over doing the big brother title - but make him feel special for being the older wiser brother who can help his new baby brother learn to do new things.
Also make sure he doesn't have to share everything. As they get older, let each one have their own "special toys" they don't share - and of course most of the things they will. But it helps to keep the rivalry down if they can also each have some privacy and a few things that are all their own. Especially so the younger doesn't end up breaking something the older brother really likes - so might put some things away in a box out of reach of the younger one.
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